Should a crush always be a potential mate? Or should they just remain a crush?

I have a crush on someone right now. I dream of him often and I wonder why even in my dreams if he should become my reality. His name is not important but it’s his characteristics that are profound to me. One of my sisters asked me what were the qualities he possesses and does he meet the criteria for a potential mate. I did some introspection and realized I am enamored with him mentally and physically.

But I question whether or not he should be more than a crush. I am not comfortable pursuing him due to the fact that I am not ready to say or act as if I am the caliber of woman he desires and deserves. I have work to do. I am going to drop some gems that should help us discern whether or not a crush should/should not be a potential mate.

Here are a few tips:

1.       Are the two of you compatible?

While I know that some of us believe that opposites attract, I believe people with an abundance of commonalities tend to thrive better and have more lasting relationships. My crush and I share a few common threads we are ambitious, driven, passionate, especially about the Lord and we pursue our dreams no matter what. We also enjoy an intellectually stimulating conversation. We love to flex our brain muscles.

2.       Can you be friends first?

How would you feel about just being friends before things get intense? Can you talk to him/her about a variety of topics and find common ground? One of my most successful relationships to date lasted for years because we were friends first. We hung out and really bonded. We understood how imperative it was to really connect with each other mentally before anything else came into play. We wanted a rock solid foundation set in place to truly achieve longevity in our relationship.
3.       Be honest about what you want from the beginning.

Too many times we compromise what we want and settle for what we can get. Keep what you want in the forefront at all times. It saves a lot of wasted time and effort. Reiterate what you want when there is not any confusion later on.

4.       Always know where you stand.

The only risk with this is sometimes you may find yourself standing alone. You always want to know your position in any relationship. We often know where we stand with someone but we still try to play coy as if we are not aware. Trust me this can save you from both a headache and heartache.

5.       Ask questions learn more about him/her.

Study them know their full background. Trust your own research. We tend to not ask questions because the truth is, we cannot handle the truth. This will help rule a crush in/out. Do you want to live with a fantasy or grow with the reality of who he/she is?

6.       Be observant!

Know how they interact in all settings. This is very telling of who he/she is. I have seen my crush in many different elements and he has been the same gracious, humble, intentional and intelligent all the time. Many times we ran into one another accidentally and yet he is still the same which is so refreshing.

7.       Actions speak louder than words

Listen to his/her words but hear their actions. Actions speak volumes. This is very telling. I know for a fact my crush moves in silence but the steps he makes are profound and unforgettable they leave an indelible memory.

These are just a few tips that should help you decide whether or not your crush should be a potential mate. 

Now I am sure you are wondering why I am not actively pursuing my crush. Well to be honest at the moment he is not  unavailable. He is dating someone and I respect that. Even if he were single, I am working on myself and my career. I am focused and do not want to come to him half-assed. He is worth the time and effort. I know that if I do not come correct I will quickly be dismissed.

Frankly, I do not know if he would be a potential mate if he were not involved because I don’t honestly know if I want him as more than a crush. I think I prefer to use his characteristics as a jumping board for a potential mate. Just because he is my crush doesn’t necessarily mean he should be my man.

Do you have a crush? Can you see yourself pursuing him/her romantically? Or would you want them to remain a crush? Share your thoughts below.


We thought this to be a great article to share, so here it is. This articles was posted on May 24, 2016 5:39 pm and can be read in it’s original form at LoverzQuarrel